Wednesday, 28 October 2015


I don’t usually focus must on negativity as people say that you attract what you feel or say, but today is exceptional. For once, i don’t think that it is particularly true. Have you ever had one of those days where a string of unfortunate events happens to you? Yeah, it's similar except that it has been happening for a couple of days.

It might have been happening for awhile, but I have been distracting myself from the reality of the situation. But today, everything is hitting me back. 

I'm going through a couple of situations and let me break it down.

Situation 1 :

A mate of mine that has been around ever since I came to the United Kingdom, completed her degree a week ago and she just went back to Malaysia. We have been living together for approximately 2 months and in that short amount of time, we bonded. I would say that I'm not a person that would give up my headphone for a conversation, but ever since she moved in, I have changed a lot. I could feel my anxiety level drop massively and it was easy to just live life. I guess that I liked having someone around. Now that she has left, it's like pure emptiness. My anxiety pattern is all over the place and the loneliness is unbearable. But despite all of that, I know that it would rather be selfish for me to expect her to stay. She has a life too and she has been looking forward to complete her degree and to be with her family again. For that, I'm happy for her and more than that I'm grateful to have an opportunity to meet such a life changing person. 

Situation 2 :

About 5 months ago, I got an internship at a company here in Sheffield. It did feel a little weird in the beginning especially being the only international person there, but along the way I realised that it is the best thing that has happened to me in awhile. I have the best supervisor, co-workers and boss. They have always made me feel welcomed. In this 5 months, I have learned a lot regarding the pneumatic systems industry with the aid of my brilliant supervisor. All my life I have been around people who want to take advantage of me. For once, my supervisor or better known as E, for no apparent reason is just genuinely nice. Sometimes I feel like he knows what I am going through. Me being an introvert, just makes everything 5 times more difficult than it really is but he always encourages me and never fails to boost my confidence especially when I need it the most. Alright.. Let me get back to the point. So after being a huge part of my development, he decided to leave the company for another job. I don't want to think about what it is going to be like to not have him around anymore. 

Situation 3 :

After a couple of years of being single, I finally met someone. And... I think my sister likes him as well. 

I told myself to never get into this, but here I am stuck in a horrible situation. Everything is twice as complicated because I'm in the UK and they are in Malaysia. I have heard about the difficulty of a long distance relationship, I haven't gotten to the point of a relationship but I'm getting a feeling that it is going to be a rough sea. 

So I met J at my cousin's wedding and he is my cousin's brother-in-law's friend. He seemed nice when we met and he was extremely good looking. He mingled well with my family and everything was fine until the point when I got back to the UK and he texted me saying that he added my sister on Facebook. And then my sister told me that they exchanged numbers. A couple of days later, he confessed that he has been texting my sister. Then they went out for food and TODAY they met up for dinner. 

I'm probably blowing this out of proportion but honestly, what the hell is happening?! 

It kills me a little every time my sister tells me something that I didn't know about him yet. Me being in my crazy work hours and the time difference, I haven't gotten a chance to have a proper conversation with him since we last met. And it sucks that she gets to see him for no apparent reason while I haven't had a chance. Makes me really sad that she doesn't know that whatever she is doing is really hurtful. 

Tuesday, 10 March 2015

Short Story : Caterpillars into Butterflies.


There was something about this guy. She always wondered what it was. Was it those deep blue eyes or those dimples that kept her looking at him? Every time they cross each other, there is an intense feeling. A sort of feeling that she had never felt before. It left her wondering even more about everything.

Unlike the other egoistic guys who would say all sort of nasty things in front of a girl to make themselves feel better, he was nothing like that. He would be among them, but never behaved anything like them. And that made her curious about him.

It has been almost 2 years of their awkwardness without a single word of conversation, but she yearns for his attention whenever they are at the same location. She wouldn't bother about the other guys, because for her the only thing that mattered was that one mystery guy.

There were days where he would look right into her eyes and smile, not the normal sort of smile though. It was the type of half smile. It is something that she couldn't put into words to describe but that smile made a million caterpillars in her stomach turn into butterflies in that split moment. It was just beyond a normal moment for her.

But the next day, when she looks forward to another moment like that and in hopes that he would actually walk up to her to finally start a conversation, he decides to ignore her. As if she wasn't even there. It crushed her more than she realised but she still has a tiny hope that someday or hopefully before they head on separate journeys that he would give her a chance.

Till then, she will be waiting for more moments for her caterpillars to turn into butterflies.

butterflies escape

Friday, 6 March 2015

A Thought : India's Daughter.


Last night, I was scrolling through my Facebook News Feed and I can across a few posts about a documentary on 'India's Daughter'. I usually don't read much articles that are shared on Facebook because most of them barely makes sense and are waste of time, but there was something different about this post because the people who shared this link were people who would not usually post anything random.

I didn't want to kill my curiosity by reading the comments of the posts, so I went straight for the link.

I had a basic idea that it was about the rape incident of a female medical student in India that happened in December 2012. I heard of the incident in 2013 but I wasn't into current issues at that time. Probably my thought at that time was, why is it made into  such a huge deal when rape is something that has been happening all around the world all the time. Extremely naïve I was.

So, I started watching the video of the documentary.

I have to say it brought tears to my eyes and a rage of frustration made my heart pump in an irregular rate.

This is the documentary of India's Daughter. It has been banned almost all over the Internet, but I managed to find this link.

My opinion :

To start off, I am awfully disappointed with the human race we have become. Look at us. A girl can't even go for a movie with her friend in peace. Why is this happening? No, this is not only an issue in India. It is an issue wherever rape occurs, therefore all around the world.


In the documentary, one of the rapist named Mukesh Singh said that the girl was raped to make a point that women and men will never be equal. Whereby a woman should not be out of the house after a certain time of the day but apparently, the incident occurred at 8 pm and how is that even considered late ? The defender of the rapist said that women in India are influenced with the western culture and that has become the issue and that women belong at home. That was utter nonsense.

"A girl is just like a flower. It gives a good looking, very softness.. performance, pleasant [sic]. On the other hand a man is just like a thorn. Strong, tough enough. That flower always needs protection. If you put that flower in a gutter it is spoilt. If you put it in the temple, it is worshipped," M.L. Sharma, the defence lawyer for the rapists, says in the documentary.

He also says at one point in the documentary, "India has the best culture. No place for a woman in our culture."

He also said that a woman is like a diamond and men are like dogs. "If you put the diamond out in the streets, you should expect the dogs to take the diamond."

I don't even understand why do those rapist need defenders. They committed the crime of rape and murder, how can anyone justify that it isn't wrong? Listening to the absolute ridiculousness from the defence lawyer made me lose all my faith in humanity. Yes, it's all gone. These men see women as a treat and fear that if women were to be at their position, they won't be valued as much as they have been. We, women deserve recognition and we just want to do what we like, just like men. We do not want to be a treat to anyone. This is obviously an issue in certain countries. Countries that accept equality are progressing well without any problems, so why can't this be adopted by countries such as India?

He also said that a woman is like a diamond and men are like dogs. "If you put the diamond out in the streets, you should expect the dogs to take the diamond."

Why is the woman linked to a gem and men associated to dogs? This is wrong. Men or women, both are human so why is it so hard to just respect each other and live like decent human beings ? Is it too much to ask for ?

Yes, it does come down to women rights in this case. Women are not treated equally in most countries and this has made many men get away with crimes as they know that  women will never speak up about the incident.

We live in fear of falling in the Devil's trap but fail to realise that the Devil lives among us, threatening the humankind into all sort of wrongness. A part of the documentary showed the protest in India and there were thousand of people fighting for women. It's heart-warming to see that there are men in India that do support woman in rights and equality.

I can't imagine the pain that she would have gone through and I don't think there will ever be words to console her parents.

I really hope that this awareness will be spread till it makes changes.

The victim of the rape incident deserves justice, just like the thousands of people who were raped
and not given justice

Jothi Singh made a clear statement which will make us question ourselves and that question is ,"What is the meaning of a 'woman'?"

Saturday, 21 February 2015

Confidence is Everything.

To be honest, I am a person that lacks confidence and it's not just confidence in speaking, I lacked self confidence. Self confidence is crucial to everyone because what would life be if you weren't proud of who you were. And it is worse when you realise that you will have to live with yourself for your entire life.

In your life, not everyone is going to accept your flaws but it is fine because it's not just you. Everyone has flaws. Maybe some people are good at covering them up but at the end of the day, they know that they can't hide their flaws from themselves.

I was a person that hated looking at myself in the mirror when I was in high school. I had a dark complexion and acne. I assume you understand what my school life would have been. But back then, I didn't care much because people liked me for who I was and honestly I have to say that I'm grateful that my insecurities didn't ruin my schooling life. Anyway, I went to a Convent school which is an all-girls school so it wasn't as hard to deal with insecurities because everyone had their own issues. 
 But ever since I joined college, I have been surrounded by guys. It was a totally different situation and my insecurities were raging. One thing about guys that I totally adore is that they don't care about three quarter of the things girls worry about themselves. My college life was pretty good even though there wasn't any parties at all. My course consist of about 8 people and we were a group that hanged out a lot. Despite coming from different cultures, we somehow were very close. So being the only girl among them didn't change anything. I was myself and they always supported and never judged me. And then the major part of all this was joining university. I didn't only have to move to the UK but I also was in a new studying environment. This was nerve wrecking for me. I had a tough time during my first year. I hated every moment because it was just plain awkward. I lost my confidence entirely and with that I lost my social skills. I couldn't communicate with people. I was constantly going to the university and back home. I had a handful of friends but it wasn't the sort of social life that I was looking for. Not that I'm saying that I was expecting friends to party every night but I wanted friends that made me experience a proper British lifestyle. 

One thing about confidence is that if you lose touch of it, I could be tricky to get it back as you will constantly question yourself if you have to try. This may vary in people. If you are an extrovert, that confidence is within you but I can be tough if you are an introvert. I would say that I'm 60% introvert and 40% extrovert. And I only figured that out lately because I thought I hated talking to people but it wasn't that, I wasn't confident enough to talk to anyone. 

Confidence is not something that you just have. It's a skill that anyone can learn. Yes, you don't want to die without self-confidence. It's as easy as pretending. 

It's easy to tricky people into thinking that you are a person with lots of confidence. How you may ask. 

1. Never ever compare yourself to anyone.

Yeah I know, it's not easy. I have catched myself doing it without realising it. But this needs to stop. Gain some self control . People around you may "look" perfect but honestly who actually is perfect? 

2. Don't let anyone define you. 

Why should anyone elses judgement define who you are? And why should such judgements affect you. I know everyone judges, but if you are going to let someone's opinion matter, it better be from someone who truly knows you. And to be honest, people who love you will never judge you. So screw those who think of you any less than what you are. 

3. Love yourself.

You may have flaws but it doesn't matter because those flaws make you different and unique. If we all didn't have flaws, we wouldn't be grateful for what we actually have. Don't hate yourself if you have acne and scars, it will fade away. Don't hide yourself and hurt yourself because of others because someday you won't have to see those people anymore and you will realise how much time you have wasted on hating yourself when the problem wasn't you at all. 

Monday, 16 February 2015

My Version of True Love.

I still remember my previous relationship as if it happened yesterday but it actually has been two years since. It has been tough to move after after such a relationship. 

It never fails to take me down the nostalgic path everytime I think of it. 

When I was in that relationship, I thought that I have finally found my true love and that it was going to last forever with a happily ever after just like in those Disney fairytales. 

At that time, true love was whatever I saw on TV. I was too naive to realise that love was nothing like whatever was on TV. I thought whatever he did for me was from pure intentions. 

Who was I kidding. The breakup part ruined me entirely because I put everything and everyone ahead of me. I gave my everything to a person who didn't deserve it at all, but I don't blame anyone but myself for my misjudgements. 

I have learnt the hard way since then. 

It has been awhile since then and today I finally figured out what true love was, well at least that's what I think it is. 

True love is pure and unconditional. It's something you feel without expecting anything in return. And it is also very rare. 

An example of true love is actually the love God has on us. He never expects anything from us yet He gives us what we need. But God isn't our true love because we ask God for things and that isn't unconditional. Instead of asking, we should just thank God for whatever He has given us and believe that He knows best. 

It is difficult to find true love nowadays because barely anyone is genuine. We are all caught up in a way or another and we can be selfish without even realising it. 

But I have found my true loves. Yes, true love doesn't have to be a single person. 

My true loves are my incredible parents, beautiful sister and my best friend. 

I know family don't have a choice, they have to care for their children. With whatever that is happening with the world these days, I have seen parents abandoning this children because they can't deal with certain things things. 

My parents have given the best for my sister and I. From a wonderful life to the best education. It's amazing because I come from an average family but I have gotten everything.

I'm 21 now and I still depend on my parents for money. At the age of 18, my dad was already working to support this siblings and now he's 56 and he is still working to support us. And the same for my mum, she would work overtime 3 times a week so that I could have the best Marks and Spencer cake and the best birthday and Christmas presents. 

I'm sure many parents do these wonderful things for their children even when they don't have to. 

My sister, the best person that I have in my life. She would give up whatever she has for me. It could be the last piece of her favourite thing, she wouldn't think twice to give it to me. She would spend her last penny on me. She would give the most sincere advises and opinions. 

Lastly, my best friend. This girl is just wonderful. I have known her for about two years and she's like an angel. 

They do without expecting anything in return and that is pure love. 

From all these wonderful people in my life ,  I can see how lucky I am to have multiple true loves in my life. I would do just about anything for them just like they would do for me. 

I would be wrong if I said no one is genuine nowadays, because I know people who truly are and would unconditionally love their love ones. 

If you ever find anyone that is genuine, make sure you keep them and never mess with their trust. 

Friday, 13 February 2015

My nominees : The Versatile Blogger Award

First and far most, I would like to thank Bonetsmile for nominating me for this award. Honestly, as a new blogger I never expected that someone would read my blog and nominate me for such an award. I guess this is one way to encourage more blogger to write and readers to read and I am glad to be a part of it. Thanks once again.

So for those readers & bloggers who have no idea what this is about, here's some explanations.

The Versatile Blogger Award is as follows:

1. Thank the person who gave you the award.
2. Include a link to their blog
3. Select 15 blogs/bloggers that you have recently discovered or follow regularly
4. Nominate those 15 bloggers for the Versatile Blogger Award
5. Tell the person who nominated you 7 things about yourself
As I have done the first part above, now I am going to tell you 7 things about myself.
1. I am a dreamer, but I don't just dream. I dream to achieve.
2. I overthink a lot, and most of my blogger post idea are the fruits of my overthinking.
3. I love to travel, been to a few places around the world so far. In hopes that someday I'll be travelling to the world's most exotic places on my own money.
4. I love the idea of love. It makes me curious to know that what people who are deeply in love actually feels and if it is the same for everyone that is in love.
5. I come from a country with the most delicious food. And the country is called MALAYSIA.
6. I absolutely adore my family and friends.
7. I am a female engineer that hopes someday equality will be achieved.
I haven't read much blogs so I won't be able to include 15 blogs that I have discovered.
Therefore, I am going to go on the highlight of the post and nominate bloggers for the award.
My nominees for The Versatile Blogger Award are :    *drumroll*
2. Riana


Tuesday, 10 February 2015


So with Valentine's Day around the corner, what have you got planned ?

I don't know much about Valentine's Day as I have never experienced a proper one.

I have spent most Valentine's Day with my parents, even when I was in a relationship. I don't really have a reason to explain why.

I loved the idea of Valentine's Day as I just get the thrill of surprising people.  

So for those people who still have not gotten anything for your loved ones, here's a few suggestions of  Valentine's Day ideas and gifts.

1. Do something that your loved one always wanted you do. (Even if you don't like it. :D  )

2. Cook for him/ her. Make their favourite dish.

3. Bake a cake or cookies together.

4. Flowers. ( Don't buy, pick it from the garden and make sure it looks presentable. )

 If you want to buy something, then I would suggest that you get something that has a purpose instead of something that doesn't have any use.

5. CHOCOLATES. ( Who would not love it ? Make sure that you are aware of their allergies.)

6. Cupcakes.

7.  Have an experience together.

8. A huge surprise.

9. A personal and meaningful message/card.

10. An entire day with your loved one.

These are just a couple of stuff that I could think about right now. It might be pretty cliché but it is what it is.

My personal favourite are 6 and 10. Cupcakes are the best thing that has been created and
those Valentine's Day decoration for those cupcakes just makes it impossible to say no. And 10, is one of best Valentine's gift that you can give anyone. With our busy schedule nowadays, we barely have the time for our loved ones. Money may be able to buy all those pretty gifts which may last for a few years, but spending time with you love ones would make them feel appreciated and what else can make Valentine's Day the best day in February.